Dear Cherubs, imagine trying to wake up in 1750 with nothing but a candle, a nail and a plan. Fast-forward to today, when we have smartphones, custom alarm sounds and a snooze button that gets more action than our morning exercise routine. Somehow, despite centuries of technological progress, getting out of bed remains a spectacular human weakness.

The comparison is funny because it feels true. Our ancestors engineered ingenious ways to measure time and wake up, while we carry a miniature computer that can contact the other side of the planet but apparently cannot convince us to leave the duvet.

THE CANDLE THAT MEANT BUSINESS

Long before smartphones and digital alarm clocks, people experimented with ingenious ways to measure time. According to the Royal Society, records from December 1745 describe a candle-based alarm used by weavers in Norwich, England. A burning candle was arranged so that, at a chosen moment, it would burn through a string and release a weight onto a sounding board. The resulting noise was intended to wake the sleeper.

Other candle clocks used a simpler trick: inserting a nail at a particular point in the candle. As the wax melted, the nail would drop onto a metal surface, producing a clatter loud enough to serve as an alarm.

No Bluetooth, no charging cable and absolutely no option to press “remind me in nine minutes.” The alarm had one job, and its approach to customer service was refreshingly direct.

Of course, we should not romanticise the past too much. Candle clocks depended on the candle burning at a reasonably predictable rate, and drafts or variations in the wax could affect their accuracy. Nor is there evidence that everyone in 1750 woke punctually. History has preserved plenty of clever inventions, but apparently not a comprehensive database of people who overslept.

THE SNOOZE BUTTON: HUMANITY’S FINAL BOSS

Today, our phones can sound alarms, vibrate, flash lights and offer enough customisation to make waking up a surprisingly elaborate project. Yet many of us have mastered a different skill: silencing the alarm while remaining almost entirely unconscious.

There is a scientific explanation for some of this behaviour. Cleveland Clinic describes sleep inertia as the groggy, disoriented state that can follow waking, affecting alertness, memory and decision-making. In other words, the person negotiating with the snooze button may not be operating at full intellectual capacity. That is a generous explanation for some of the decisions made at 6:45 a.m.

Research published in the Journal of Sleep Research also suggests that snoozing is not quite as straightforward as declaring it universally terrible. A 2023 study found that, for habitual snoozers, brief repeated alarms had mixed effects and did not clearly worsen every measure of morning alertness. The evidence is more nuanced than the internet’s favourite advice suggests.

Still, there is a difference between using an alarm strategically and treating every morning as a hostage negotiation between your phone and your pillow.

The real lesson is not that people in 1750 possessed superior discipline. They simply had fewer convenient ways to postpone reality. Today, we can silence the evidence, negotiate with ourselves and wake up late with a perfectly charged phone beside us.

Progress is wonderful. But if your ancestors managed to design an alarm from a candle and a falling nail, perhaps your thousand-pound ecosystem of technology deserves a little less blame.

For more accessible explainers and curious facts, visit thisclaimer.com or the Thisclaimer YouTube channel. And tomorrow morning, when your alarm rings, remember: the candle never offered you a snooze button.

Sources list:

Royal Society — Historical records of the candle alarm used by Norwich weavers in 1745. https://royalsociety.org/blog/2019/03/talking-clocks/

Clocktime — History of candle clocks and the falling-nail mechanism. https://clocktime.co.uk/stories/first-candle-clock

Cleveland Clinic — Explanation of sleep inertia and waking difficulties. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sleep-inertia

Journal of Sleep Research / PubMed Central — Research on snooze alarms and sleep inertia. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9804954/

Thisclaimer — Further reading and related explainers. https://thisclaimer.com/

Thisclaimer YouTube — Additional videos and explainers. https://www.youtube.com/@thisclaimer?sub_confirmation=1